


stay awake (dreams only last for a night)

by paleromantic, tylerscreamingintothevoid



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Neil and Andrew are soft, andrew has a bad night, andrew is trans in this fyi, mention of self harm scars, neil loves him so much, they spoon and it's good, they talk about andrews past, they talk about missing their parental figures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 06:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15431364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paleromantic/pseuds/paleromantic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tylerscreamingintothevoid/pseuds/tylerscreamingintothevoid
Summary: Andrew can't sleep, and Neil is there to help him through it.Alternative summary: Neil and Andrew spoon and they're in love





	stay awake (dreams only last for a night)

The emergency phone was starting to come in handy, Neil was pleased to note. While Nicky just sent a constant stream of messages filled with emoticons and spelling errors, the few people he hadn't muted understood the meaning of "emergency phone". So, when Andrew texted the word _urgent_ to him in the middle of the night, with no punctuation, he knew that he must be in dire need of help.

Neil was out of his bed in a matter of seconds, pulling on proper clothes and going out into the quiet corridor. He was grateful that the floors didn't creak, the last thing that he needed was to wake anyone up instead of getting to Andrew quickly. He eyed the door, checking that it was unlocked before pushing it open.

Since they started doing whatever it was that they were doing, they'd developed a system. Whenever Andrew had nightmares, he would unlock the door so as not to bother the others in the apartment when Neil came in, and sit in his bed to wait for Neil, away from anyone and anything that could make it worse. It worked the other way around too, and while Neil was usually the one texting Andrew, it wasn’t as uncommon as it used to be for Andrew to reach out anymore.

Neil ran a hand through his hair as he made his way to his boyfriend's bed, and whispered, "Andrew?"

Andrew was sitting up, his back pressed flush against the wall, staring off into space, but when he heard Neil's approach he turned his head to settle a calm gaze on his boyfriend. The blankets were bundled up around his waist, covering his legs, and he had his phone beside him. Neil knew that he was wearing his Foxes sweatpants since that was what he had been wearing before they had parted ways for bed, and he was wearing his usual black shirt.

Neil closed the door behind him and dragged a chair to the side of the bed, sitting down just out of arm’s reach, where he tended to stay when Andrew was having a bad day, unless he was told otherwise.

"Want to talk about it?"

Andrew seemed to not have heard him, but after a couple of minutes of silence he spoke quietly. "Sit next to me, Neil."

 

The bands were wrapped around his forearms, Neil noticed. He usually slept without them, so he must have put them back on when he called Neil in. He carefully avoided moving too close to the blond man as he lowered himself to sit beside him and waited until he was settled to speak. “Yes or no?”

Andrew swallowed, slowly. "My hands. Just my hands."

Neil nodded and took one of his hands in his own, Andrew’s clammy fingers cold against his own. Andrew seemed to exhale, slightly, and he leaned back to rest his head against the wall. "Did I wake you?"

"Yes, but I'm glad you did."

Andrew nodded, and then picked at some stray fluffs on the blanket. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "Do you… miss your parents sometimes?"

It came out harsh, and blunt, but it came accompanied with a gentle squeeze, making Neil’s chest fill with the familiar warm feeling he got around Andrew. He thought about his answer for a while, leaving a minute of dead air between them. Andrew didn’t disturb it, instead going back to staring at the wall, only looking back when Neil spoke again.

"Rarely."

"But you still do?"

"I guess you could say that I miss the idea of having parents. Matt seems to enjoy spending time with his mom, Renee too."

Andrew nodded. "Yeah, me too."

"How bad this time?" They'd made up a scale, one to ten. Neil had only ever had up to six, and Andrew had never admitted to anything higher than a four.

He bit his lip. "Seven."

"Okay. Is this a talking or no talking situation?"

In the past, they'd done other things to help Andrew, such as spend the morning binging shitty shows, or Neil helping him shower, or making food. Talking wasn’t something that Andrew did often, but Neil always gave him the option. He didn’t think anyone had been an option for him to talk to before, and he wanted to be that. Still, it was a surprise when Andrew nodded stiffly.

 

"I really wanted them to adopt me. The Spears. I don't..."

He frowned. "Aaron gave me a reason to get away from there, and that was for the best, but I wanted them to adopt me."

Neil didn’t know what to say, so instead he laced his finger’s through Andrew’s, and tugged the duvet over his own legs. “When I was in Millport, I used to miss her every day. I didn’t… she did her best, with me.”

Andrew looked like he was about to argue, so Neil drove on. “I know, I know that she treated me badly, I don’t need you to remind me. But she made me feel safe, sometimes. She was all I knew, so I missed her. I still do sometimes. I guess it’s the same for both of us.”

The only noises in the room when he finished were Kevin’s chesty snores, and faint buzzing of the electricity in the walls. Neil was content to wait out the silence, though.

"Spilled milk, I suppose." Andrew's fingers twitched. "You're cold, Neil."

"I'm not. I'm really sorry about everything that happened."

"Shut the fuck up." Andrew moved his leg, and pulled his blanket up, holding it. "Yes or no?"

"Yes."

Andrew turned to drape the blanket around him, surrounding him in warmth and the smell of his cologne. It really did keep out the cold, as did the solid presence beside him.

 

"Better?"

Neil grinned softly at him. "Is it better for you?"

Andrew shrugged, and then surprised Neil again. "Sometimes, Cass used to knit blankets, they were a lot warmer than these."

He set his jaw, and then started to unravel the bands on his arm, exposing his pale, scarred skin. Neil’s eyes didn’t stray from the man’s face, but he knew what they looked like, had felt them under his own hands enough to map them out in his head.

"Tell me about them?" It was a shot in the dark, but Andrew had seemed to relax some while he had talked.

Andrew watched him. "She always let us pick the colours, made new ones when we ruined the old ones." He swallowed, and his grip tightened marginally. "I still had one when I left to live with Aaron."

Neil interlocked his fingers with the blond man’s. "Do you still have it now?"

"It's probably somewhere." Andrew sounded dismissive. "Didn't get a chance to go back, since Aaron says I murdered his mother."

 

Neil could have corrected him, said she was both of their mothers, but it probably wasn’t the time for that.

"That's fair. Is there anything else you'd want to do right now?"

Andrew thought about it. "Come here."

Neil did as he was told shifting to move where Andrew wanted him. "Wh...?"

Andrew hummed, and then gripped the blanket, pulling him in slightly. Neil flushed, and Andrew felt a bolt of warmth burrow through the cold feeling in his chest. "Yes or no?"

"Yes..."

Andrew kissed him, gentler than Neil was used to, before releasing him. "Stay?"

Neil kissed back, closing his eyes before tilting his head. "Of course."

Andrew leaned back against the wall again. "Feel free to sleep, if you'd like."

"I'd rather kiss you some more." It should have been embarrassing, but Neil just watched him, smiling slightly and bracing himself with a hand on the wall.

Andrew raised an eyebrow, and then shrugged. "Yes."

Neil reached over to pull the blanket between them, positioning himself in a way that wouldn’t cage Andrew in to the wall, before leaning in to kiss him slowly. It wasn’t difficult, since Neil had long since gotten used to kissing Andrew right where they were, but it still sent the same thrill of happiness up his spine.

Andrew kissed back, lifting his hands and letting them hang in the air near Neil’s face, waiting for permission, which he eagerly received. He rested his hands on where Neil's neck met his jaw and seemed to pause minutely before allowing Neil to move closer, touching him slightly through their clothes.

They stayed like that for a while, until Andrew eventually pulled away. "You need sleep. Kevin will be pissed if you're tired tomorrow."

"I don't care."

"I will not be blamed for what happens if I have to deal with a dramatic, annoyed Kevin tomorrow." Andrew didn't look at him, and kept his face blank, but Neil could hear the faint worry there.

Neil sighed and softened his voice. "But I want to be here with you."

"Then stay here with me." Andrew moved to lie down, back to the wall. Neil lay beside him, clutching his hand.

Andrew let the silence hang for a couple of seconds, before he gave a long, drawn out sigh. "Come here, you're hogging the blankets."

"I thought you wanted me to sleep. That's not gonna happen if you're gonna complain to me the whole time."

Andrew gritted his teeth, and then tugged Neil’s hand gently. "Chest, arms, hands."

"Asshole. Spoon me?"

Andrew considered that for a couple of seconds, and then opened his arms to allow his boyfriend to fit between them.

Neil pushed back, fitting comfortably in the shorter boy's arms.

Andrew allowed his face to press into the boy’s hair, before pulling back with a slight frown. "Is that my shampoo?"

"No."

Andrew stayed silent, until Neil huffed. "It is."

"I know."

"Good." Neil moved slightly, pulling Andrew's arms up to kiss his hands.

Andrew blinked, and allowed it, kissing Neil's hair and keeping him close, pressed flushed against his chest.

"I don't want to sleep."

"What do you want?"

"Just this, but we're awake."

Andrew nodded, and seemed to hold him tighter. "Yeah, me too."

Neil smiled, and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him as he considered the fact that Andrew had hated him only a year before then, and now here they were. _Spooning._

The silence didn’t last for long after then, either. "You know, even though you're the big spoon, you're still the little spoon."

"I’m going to fucking kill you, Josten."

"Nope, sorry, I’ve got your hands trapped. That was my plan all along."

Andrew squinted before conceding the point, and then leaned down, his face near Neil's neck. "Yes or no?"

"Yes."

Andrew kissed him there, hugging him tighter. "I hate you, Josten."

"I love you too."

Andrew didn't reply, but Neil felt him smile against his skin.


End file.
